Are You Cool?

Ahahaha. Oh my. If you have not seen Mitch's latest literary masterpiece, check it out now. While you're reading, remember -- Sportswriter of the Year 7 freaking times. That was then. This, my friends, is now. Another useless article filled with Larry King-type unprepared questions that provide zero substance. I am almost at a loss for words. Almost.

The premise of the article is that Mitch called up his boy, Matt Stafford, QB of the Lions, for a little mano-a-mano chat. You know, two rough and tumble guys talking by phone -- Matt presumably on a Droid or iPhone, Mitch on an old attached-to-the-wall cranker. That's how the old guy rolls.

Mitch proceeds to dig deep into Matt's first year, asking, "What was it like living in a condo?" and "Did you ever get lonely?" Based on the content in Matt's answers, I don't think he was too into the convo. When asked if he'd be okay with Culpepper coming back as his backup QB, Matt replies, "That would be fine."

Why even include that in the transcript if that's all we get? The whole article is like that.

Mitch saves the best for last though, waiting to ask his Walter Cronkite-esque Pulitzer Prize-winning question until the right moment.

"How cool are you?"

Uh, what?

How cool are you? What the what kind of question is that? Stafford responds with an awkward, "I don't know. I think so."

FIN.

That's it. Are you cool. Who asks that? Couldn't it at least have been, "Are you tight? Are you chillin'?" No. Are you cool. Ahahhaa. My grandpa never even asked that.

Now, a couple things to point out: For one, Mitch fails to ask him how it felt to be booed midway through the season. He fails to ask what it was like on the field in what many called the greatest Lions performance EVER. I mean, this was a game captured by NFL Films, called the greatest piece of audio ever by NFL President Steve Sabol, and revered by Lions fans everywhere.

No mention. No question.

How about what was going through his head in that last drive, when the doctors told him he couldn't play, yet he defied them and threw the game-winning touchdown. ESPN called it one of the best games of the year.

Are you cool? That's what we get. Are you cool. No "What do the Lions need next year." No "Do you wish you would have stayed for your senior season in college?" None of that, man. Just crap. Crap questions, unenthusiastic answers to crap questions and then more crap on top.

And how about the questions that the editors took out (or so I assume)?

• Have you ever thought about having your hair cut so where the hair covers your ears?
• Are you on Facebook?
• Did you see the Simpsons two weeks ago?
• What's a Kindle?
• and...Want to be my wingman?

Mitch, you are a comedian without the wit. God bless you and your talent.